Technically, I’m not sure if this is Day 2 of my challenge or not since Day 1 was more of an intro, but for the sake of staying with the calendar, I’m going to say it’s Day 2.  To clarify what I appreciate from Day 1, I’ll go ahead and say that I appreciate people who stay motivated and take the time to find an interest/project to work on for 365 days.  Now, back to Day 2…

Today I’m focusing on my love and appreciation for dance fitness.  This may not be a familiar topic for everyone reading, and since my thoughts go a mile a minute, I’ll slow down and provide some background information.  Dance fitness is a form of group exercise that involves different types of dancing–sounds self explanatory.  Think Richard Simmons-Sweatin’ to the Oldies, Jazzercise, Crunch cardio, and the one I really want to focus on: Zumba!  Zumba has really become popular within gyms and at home through video games and DVDs.  Right now, I attend 3-5 Zumba/dance classes at my gym a week and I love it.  I first started my Zumba experience through the video game for Playstation 3.  I’m not really a dancer and initially the idea of group exercise was very intimidating.  The video game was great.  It helped me get used to some of the moves, and even though my character was not always lit green (which means you’re doing well), I still felt like I was getting a workout.  And let’s be honest, the PS3 Move controllers are not the greatest when it comes to motion games, so I justified a lot of my errors due to the gaming system.  After spending a couple of weeks in the safety of my home learning the main Zumba moves, I decided to try some free classes at a local gym.  It was fun at first, but unfortunately the room was overcrowded and the routine was the same for all 3 classes I attended.  I decided it wasn’t worth paying for a gym membership, and would just have to continue to Zumba at home until…a wonderful friend introduced me to Zumba/Just Dance classes at another local gym.  She said she had been going for a few months and had lost 20 lbs.  I attended my first class the next week and signed my membership contract right after it ended.  I was so excited and glad that I had pushed myself out of my comfort zone and boundaries at home.  The instructors were inviting and so were the other members who attended the classes.  I watched as more people caught onto the trend and the room filled.  Now, you have to get a ticket early, just to guarantee a spot in the max: 70 class.

The lead instructor of the Zumba classes at the gym has her own dance fitness company.  In two weeks she is holding an instructor interest seminar and workshop to prepare for auditions for her instructor team.  This has been on my mind a majority of the time since she announced this three days ago.  I’m not a trained dancer, and besides Zumba and her dance classes, I really have no other experience dancing.  I’m not outgoing, and I feel like this is the main weakness I have when it comes to attending this workshop and auditioning.  However, I also recognize that I need to push myself, just like the way I pushed myself to attend the classes in the first place.

Short tangent that is not as random as it will seem: Currently, I work at an elementary school.  Today, the guidance counselor was teaching a lesson to a 1st grade class about being scared.  She asked them if adults ever got scared, and the class collectively answered no.  She went on to explain that adults do get scared and that it’s normal.  The example she shared told of how she would be scared if she started a new job or were to start working at a different school.  Her example struck me, and I thought to myself, that seems like a better example for “nervous”.  I felt that she could’ve thought of a better example for “scared”.  However, as I think about this workshop and putting myself out there to audition to be a dance instructor, I realize SCARED is exactly how I feel.  I’m completely terrified…it’s beyond nervous.

So I’m really not sure what to do.  I know that some outgoing people out there will read this and say the answer is simple: just do it, what do you have to lose?  And it’s easy to think that and repeat that to myself at times, but when it really comes down to it, it’s a very hard feeling to get past.  It’s hard for me to explain how I feel about this, but it is an interest and profession that I have considered prior to actually experiencing the dance classes.  Fitness, exercise, health and athletics are very important to me.  Some of my friends have said that they could see a fitness/exercise related field as my profession because I’m pretty much obsessed with working out and I focus on my health and the health of others a lot.  I’m not perfect by any means, and I often fall off track with my own health regimen, but it is something that is always a focus and always on my mind.

I apologize for this post being chaotic.  Honestly, I’m thinking that my 365 posts are going to be unorganized and very “free.”  It’s my way of sorting out my thoughts and getting them out into the open.  I’m hoping to be able to learn from my own thoughts and my own words, as well as the comments and contributions of others.  To sum up the hope and fear that is going on in my head…

I am hopeful of finding something that I love

I am scared to step out of my comfort zone

I am scared of judgement by others

I have social anxiety around people I do not know well…I’m very reserved for the people I feel most comfortable with

I am scared of failure and of rejection

I am scared that I’m too confident…more inner-confidence than I should have, while showing little-zero confidence on the outside

I am hopeful that I’ll find a way to show more outside confidence

I am hopeful that I will realize it doesn’t matter what other people think because who really gives a fuck in the long run

I am hopeful that I will realize that I oveanalyze myself way more than others do